The Journey of My Growing Bump

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself "wow...I can't believe I'm going to be a mother!" Even though I've always had a desire to be a mother someday, I just can't believe that it's actually happening, right now! I want to take this time to recap on my pregnancy experience so far. I meant to start a journal of this journey a long time ago, but it just didn't happen (see previous post). I'm now into my 8th month and I'm so excited to meet this little boy that I am carrying. Let's take a walk down memory lane...

12/31/13, enjoying ourselves not knowing that we were expecting.

On New Year's Eve, me and my babes celebrated together downtown and had a lovely, romantic time. The next morning, when I woke up, I noticed that my breasts were sore. I was already aware that my cycle was 5 days late, so I was beginning to suspect that maybe I'm pregnant. I jokingly mentioned it to babes and he just laughed while trying to give an explanation for my symptoms. Fast forward to a few days later. It was January 7, 2014 and I had a doctor's appointment the next morning for my annual women check-up. I was still suspecting that I might be pregnant and for some reason, I did NOT want to go to see my new OB/GYN not knowing whether or not I was pregnant. So, I went to Walgreens and picked up a pregnancy test that had 2 in one pack. Strangely, that evening my bladder was on overdrive. Almost every 20 - 30 minutes I had to go to the bathroom. I did not tell babes what I was doing because I was afraid that he would freak out. So, after I got off of the phone with him, I went and took one of the tests. My heart dropped when I saw the plus sign show up immediately. I was just in shock! Of course I couldn't sleep that night because I couldn't wait to take the 2nd test in the morning for confirmation. When I took the 2nd test, it came back positive as well. Even with all the signs pointing towards pregnancy, I was still in disbelief and wanted the doctor to tell me that I was really pregnant. Well at my appointment, it was confirmed and the medical staff began to prepare me for the next 9 months. I was 6 weeks when I found out.

We had the first ultrasound at 8 weeks, and for some reason, I was still in disbelief. I thought that maybe there was a mistake and the ultrasound would prove that there was not a little person growing in me. The tech placed the gel on my belly and began to search for the embryo with the ultrasound device. She glided it from left to right, up and down...she couldn't find anything. I began to get nervous. Then the tech said that she would have to use the device that would be inserted vaginally. So we tried that and BAM...there it was! I saw a sac and a fluttering heart. Then she turned on the doppler machine to hear the heartbeat and ever since then I have been amazed!

Throughout the earlier weeks, the nausea came, I couldn't eat much, I developed this nasty stale taste in my mouth that won't go away, and I was super emotional! I'm not a big "cryer", but I would cry about things that I probably wouldn't cry about if I wasn't pregnant.

I didn't want to make a big announcement about the pregnancy at first because I was worried. Worried that something might go wrong and I might have a miscarriage. I've seen this happen to someone before and I know it must have been hard for her to have to announce that she had a miscarriage. So, I waited a few more weeks. I've read that the "rule" is to wait until 12 weeks or the 2nd trimester, which is kind of what I went by, because your chances of miscarriage lessens. However, my now fiance was super excited to tell his family and friends so most of them knew before my family and friends.

Me at 4 months

We had another ultrasound at 18 weeks (which is also when we found out the sex of the baby). When I saw the head, the spine, the legs, feet, arms and hands...my God! I just fell in love! I felt like I had this life that I had to protect and care for. Then we found out that we're having a boy which made that moment even more special. I let my fiance pick a name for him because apparently, I'm not good at naming boys haha!

At each doctor's appointment, I was always anxious to hear the heartbeat because there was no other way to know how the baby is doing. And then the movement started. For a while, I thought that I had really bad gas, but then I realized that the movement in my stomach was not going towards the "exit". I would feel something move across or up and down my stomach. Ah ha! That's the baby moving! I think I started to feel movement around 20 weeks.

Now at 31 weeks, this little boy has lots of movement and I love it! I don't care if he's moving while I'm trying to sleep. Just as long as he keeps moving, I'm happy.

I also wanted to mention the symptoms that I've experienced that people don't usually tell you about. They talk about the morning sickness, heartburn, and swelling which I was expecting. So then there's the stale taste or metal taste in my mouth that won't go away. I also experienced tremendous pain between week 13 - 16 around my groin area. I mean, just getting out of bed was a task in itself because it was so painful. Dreams. Some of the dreams I've had since being pregnant are super weird, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

With my belly growing bump and pregnancy symptoms (which I appreciate), I'm so excited to meet our little one and praying that God helps us to be the best parents we can be for him.

End of 8 months...down to the final few weeks before meeting our baby boy!

~ Mel

Time to De-Clutter!

Have you ever felt like you had so much that you had to do, that all these thoughts start running through your head as if you're actually going to start doing the things that you need to do but it's so much stuff that you don't know where to start so you end up putting things off until another day and the stuff just piles up??? Whew! That was a run-on sentence on purpose because I wanted to express how I actually feel mentally right now. I've been in this space (mentally) for some months. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and admittedly a little cranky. I have this picture in my mind of how I want things to be but it's not getting there fast enough so I begin to worry. Thinking about all these things that could go wrong. Thinking how messed up my future is going to look before I even get there. Oh, can I add anxiety to my list of negative emotions? Consequently, the clutter in my mind has spilled over into clutter in my living space and it's driving me crazy! I just feel so drained.

Ok, so you may be thinking "she's just hormonal because she's pregnant." Which may be the case, but I think there is more to it.

You see, last year when I was taking my group counseling class, I realized that I'm somewhat of a perfectionist when one of my classmates was describing perfectionism as one of her issues that she would like to work on and during that time I was thinking "Oh my gosh! That's me!" So I think that with all of this "newness" in my life, my perfectionism wants to go into overdrive. Everything has to be perfect and the way that I want it to be. I want to have control over the things that are happening or going to happen in my life!

Oh, but wait...that's not how life works, now does it?

I also realized that I have spent a lot of time worrying and not more time praying. It's so easy to get distracted and forget that my Father misses me and wants to spend time with me. I have to be intentional about making time for him just like I make sure I eat food everyday. I can't forget that He is the one who helped me get through tough times in the past and brought me to where I am today. I see it as my responsibility to make sure that He is #1 priority in my life, whether things are going good or bad!

Simply Melley